i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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