We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
