I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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