my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
