It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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