so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
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dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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