A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
