Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
