Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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