i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
