Your face is a jimmy john
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
