so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
