well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
