Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
