Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
