chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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