would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
