i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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