put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
