Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
