I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
