Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
