How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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