This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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