maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
