Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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