But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
