You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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