You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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