Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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