I faked an abortion last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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