i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
