I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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