Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize