Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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