There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
