Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
