holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
