Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
