i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he shaved USA in his pubs
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
