Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
