I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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