At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
