Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Randomize
