I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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