Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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