Christians are straight up FREAKS
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
