Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
