btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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