You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
