Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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