ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
