i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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