Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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