I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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