I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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