Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
