there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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