shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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