just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
