He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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