If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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