Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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