I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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