i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
