Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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