He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
