im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
