If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He better not be in your backpack
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
