You're completely useless in the revolution.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
