ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The uberlube is also flammable
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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