She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
