my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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