I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
